A Confession: Ways I’ve Brought Spark Back into My Marriage after Giving Birth

My kids are the most beautiful human beings I’ve ever seen. Never in life have I adored someone as much, thought of as much, or felt incompetent around as much (you all know that feeling, right?). I feel like they’ve opened up a whole new world to me, a world of possibilities, love and devotion – so much stronger than any other love there is. I am blessed.

Like most mothers out there, I too am in a constant spin to give them as much moral, intellectual and physical education I can, be their teacher of compassion, love and fearlessness. I wish to teach them to believe in themselves, love themselves and appreciate everything they’re given. It’s a step by step process, and we’ve got a whole life ahead of us… I couldn’t be more excited!

However, a Catch 22 of motherhood is that, after giving birth, most mothers forget about themselves and focus on children, only; they often neglect their social lives and their husbands too, leading the relationship into a rut and often a divorce.

After giving birth to my third child, I’ve noticed a similar thing happening to me and my hubby Mike. I barely spoke to him, neglected him, I was all about Lilly. It was… unhealthy, to put it nicely. And I probably wouldn’t have done a single thing to change this if Mike hadn’t talked to me, worryingly.

I remember it like it was yesterday; we were having lunch and he got very serious for a moment, his face frowning and eyes sparkling… he looked at me and asked “Do you not love me anymore?” His question stroke me like lightning; I felt so bad I could cry right now while I am writing this… “Of course I love you, I love you more than you can imagine!”, I said. “But you barely look at me, let alone touch me.” My heart stopped for a second. “I am awful and you are right. I’m sorry that I’ve been so distant lately. I’ll do my best to work things out.” And I did.  It felt so weird going back to normal (normal being the state of things where I am actually focusing on something else other than Lilly), but I did it!

For all of you gorgeous moms who have been in the same or similar situation as mine, I am giving you a few insights on what I’ve done to bring the spark back into my marriage and rebuild myself from an obsessively dedicated mother to a healthy mom and a great wife.

I hired a nanny

To manage three kids, my business and still be hot with my husband, I needed help. I simply couldn’t do it all on my own, and once I admitted that fact to myself – things became much easier. Once we got a nanny, there was more me time, and more time for Mike. Things started going back to normal slowly but surely.

I was still crazily attached to Lilly (she was 13 months at the time) but I was slowly getting to a healthier spot; what can I say, I adore her (and my other two kids, of course!)! Guilty as charged!

I went pampering

I’ve always linked new beginnings with new looks; my determination to go back to being my sassy self was a sign I needed a change. So – I went to Pier (my beloved hairdresser); he laughed me out from the door for not having come in for a hair appointment for over eight months! He gave me a bottle of amazing hair vitamins, a brand new haircut and threatened to smack me if I don’t show up next week again! Ha-ha! Well, with such a serious threat, I had to go back, right?

P.S. Mike loved the new hair!

I initiated dates

Instead of waiting for Mike to take initiative, I made that step. I would organize movie and dinner dates, galleries and museums, little gatherings with our best friends and it was amazing. We had the opportunity to reconnect, whether it was just us two or in a group. It was like we were dating again except we had these three gorgeous little children to come home to. The spark was back, and I swore I would never let it dim again.

I touched him more

Closeness isn’t just about talking and promises; it’s about physical affection, too (and I don’t mean the bedroom, only). I started hugging Mike more, kissing him more, paying him a naughty look from time to time, holding his hand… If he’s at the kitchen isle, I come behind him, wrap my hands around his torso and kiss his back; or, if we’re watching TV, I curl up to his shoulder and just, sit there. Things like those, you know? They’re seemingly insignificant but mean the world!

My dear mommies, whatever’s happening – don’t despair. Just remember: you are loved, you’ve given birth to little phenomenal humans and you’ve got a life ahead of you. Don’t be stubborn, accept critique and change, and you’ll have your life back in a second. Good luck!



 Tracey Clayton is a full time mom of three girls. She feels she knows a thing or two about raising happy, healthy and confident kids, and offers helpful advice in her parenting articles. She’s also passionate about traveling, fashion and healthy living. Her motto is: “Live the life you love, love the life you live.” Visit Tracey on her blog and read more awesome articles by her at: High Life Style

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